- Behavior
- Health
- Parenting
BLOG: Getting past grief, especially with ADHD
Question: My son has ADHD, and recently we suffered a loss in the family. He just hasn’t been the same ever since. He seems really sad and short tempered. I think he needs counseling. Any advice?
Answer: Whether children have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) or not, they can experience sadness, loss and grief.
Children can have a difficult time understanding and expressing their feelings appropriately. Depression over loss may be expressed by acting out because they don’t have the ability to express their feelings. So a child naturally could misbehave. Grief over loss becomes anger at everything; nothing is right. Anger is a great cover-up for hurt and sadness.
How to get past the grief
For a child who has difficulty paying attention, such as with ADHD, feelings can become even more exaggerated. With sadness and grief comes difficulty in thinking straight, controlling outbursts, coping with changes or understanding their feelings. I think this is true for anyone, young or old. So how can a parent help a child get past grief? With time and patience.
Start by acknowledging how he may be feeling. For example, let’s say he reacted negatively to a simple request such as, “Would you please clean up your toys?” by throwing a toy and yelling, “No!” You could respond with, “You’re feeling upset about Grandma.” Make sure you also set a limit about the misbehavior and give him an alternative, such as, “Your toys are not for throwing. You can talk to me about things when they are bothering you instead.”
Try to understand their feelings
This opens up a dialogue with him about the loss and shows that you understand — or at least you want to understand — what he is going through. By showing that you value your son as a person, it will give him a feeling of being heard. Also, it will help give meaning to his feelings. Then you will be able to deescalate his emotions. At the same time, it’s important to give your child some space. Grieving is a process, like it is for adults.
If the symptoms persist, therapy may be helpful, such as play therapy or art therapy. One of my clients was a child who had lost his baby brother. He was able to draw the process over a period of sessions in the playroom. At first, the pictures on the white board were very black. An orange pumpkin sat in the corner. Over time, the pumpkin grew bigger. By the fifth session, the drawing depicted the last time the family was together with his baby brother. At that point, the child was able to let go of the grief and remember his baby brother with peace and fondness.
Jane Robinson, an infant mental health specialist, is a licensed mental health counselor who co-founded Center for Child Counseling in Palm Beach County.
You May Also Like
-
- Behavior
- Health
- Parenting
What are clues that my child needs emotional counseling?
While temper tantrums and bad moods are a normal part of childhood, they might indicate an underlying mental health concern if they are severe or persist. Read on to learn about th …
Read More -
- Behavior
- Health
- Parenting
Is my child grieving?
Young children often don’t know how best to articulate their feelings or are even aware of what they might be feeling. So read on for tips from our local experts on how to spot the …
Read More
Related resources
-
- Behavior
- Health
Children's Bereavement Center
This counseling agency provides free Peer Support Groups for children, young adults, and adult caregivers after the death of a loved one. Groups are open to anyone who has lost a parent, sibling, grandparent, relative, or friend as a result of illness, accident, suicide, or homicide. Losses can be recent or in years past.
888-988-5438 Website Email -
- Behavior
- Education
- Parenting
Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD)
Based in Wellington, Palm Beach chapter of a national resource for families of children with attention and hyperactivity issues
1-866-200-8098 Website Email -
- Behavior
- Safety
The Children's Healing Institute
Child-abuse prevention and family crisis management services based in West Palm Beach
561-687-8115 Website Email -
- Behavior
- Education
- Health
Unicorn Children's Foundation
Supporting cradle to career pathways for children and young adults with special needs, such as autism, ADHD and other learning challenges, including the Unicorn Village Academy, the Unicorn Connection Center and virtual program services
561-620-9377 Website Email -
- Behavior
- Health
- Parenting
Children's Behavioral Health Collaborative - Palm Beach County
A collaboration of five local mental health agencies that assess and treat children's serious behavioral, emotional or mental health problems
561-244-9499 Website Email -
- Behavior
- Health
Trustbridge (Hospice of Palm Beach County)
Services and support for families facing serious illness or needing end-of-life care, including caregiver support and bereavement programs
844-422-3648 Website Email