What to do if you suspect child abuseSometimes, something just doesn’t feel right. Maybe a child you know has started to act funny – pulling away from you, like they’re hiding something. Maybe they’ve stopped eating, playing or enjoying things they used to love. Or maybe you see a child you don’t know who seems dirty, hungry, scared or overly anxious. It’s normal to want to help. But the question is: How? First things first. If you suspect a child is being abused or neglected, you must report it to the Florida Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-96-ABUSE, which is run by the state Department of Children & Families. If you can’t get through on the hotline, you can report abuse or neglect online by clicking here. If you are not a mandatory reporter by law, you do not have to leave your name. What does child abuse or neglect look like? Physical signs:
Behavioral signs:
Who can I call for help? Lastly, it’s important to remember that caring for children is hard work – especially during the best of times. If you would like help managing your own emotions and feelings a parent or caregiver, these organizations can help.
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How to protect your child from sexual abuseWhile it may be an uncomfortable conversation, now's the time to talk to your children about sexual abuse. Local experts advise using a straightforward approach to empower children and build their self-confidence. They need to know, for example, that the biggest risks aren't strangers but acquaintances, such as friends’ parents and coaches. Older children also need to know that social media poses a risk, because someone pretending to be a teen may try to lure them into prostitution. 1. HOW AND WHEN SHOULD I TACKLE A CONVERSATION? “Use proper language for body parts,” she says. “And make sure your child knows they can always come and talk to you if anything scary happens.” A straightforward approach empowers children and builds their self-confidence, says Dee Rohe, former licensed therapy coordinator of the Palm Beach County's Victim Services and Certified Rape Crisis Center. “Just like fire drills and bus safety skills, personal protection skills can be practiced,” she says. “Practice these skills with your kids as part of your everyday routine to make them second nature.” Rohe suggests arming your child with a secret code word. “In the event someone comes to your child and says, ‘Your mom is in the hospital and asked me to pick you up,’ your child can respond, ‘What’s the code?’ ” she says. Playing a what-if game of scenarios can teach steps to stay safe, Rohe says, such as keeping a safe distance from a driver who stops to ask for directions. KidSmartz abduction prevention program emphasizes four safety rules — check first with a parent before activities, take a friend, tell people no and tell a trusted adult if concerns arise — says Nancy McBride, former executive director of Florida Outreach for the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. The stranger-danger guideline is a bit misleading because abusers are usually people who families trust, Brown says. It’s better to set boundaries. “Make sure children know it’s not good or bad touch, because that’s where a lot of confusion starts — since sometimes that unsafe touch feels good,” she says. Instead, explain safe vs. unsafe touch. Rohe encourages children to listen to their gut. “If their inner voice is saying, ‘Something’s wrong,’ tell them to pay attention. Let kids know that if something doesn’t feel right about a person or a situation, it’s OK to leave.” And don’t worry about feeling embarrassed or offending someone. 3. WHAT ARE PREDATORY SIGNS? Predators pry their way into children’s lives by gaining their trust to ultimately isolate, and then control, them with verbal or physical threats, Rohe says. “The most important thing to do is pay attention to who is paying attention to your child, in particular an overly friendly adult or a significantly older child,” she says. Lastly, if someone assaults or attempts to assault your child, these local resources can help: Palm Beach County Victim Services Sexual Assault Response Team Center: 561-625-2568 Palm Beach County Public Safety Victim Services 24-Hour Crisis Hotline: 866-891-7273 |
Will family trauma damage my child?Question: I got out of an abusive relationship last year. My kids are now 2 and 4 years old, and after the divorce, they don’t have any contact with their dad. I didn’t think they would remember anything about all the yelling and abuse because he only ever hit me and not the kids, but I recently heard about this Adverse Childhood Experience study that says my kids might grow up to have bad health because of it. The children and I are doing great, but I am so nervous that this is going to affect them for the rest of their lives. Please tell me what I can do! Answer: Reading about the Adverse Childhood Experiences study can be scary and lead to the concerns you may have for your children. It is true that these experiences are risk factors that can impact a child’s physical and mental health for the rest of their lives. The study by Kaiser Permanente and Centers for Disease Control Prevention used a 10-question survey to look at abuse, neglect and household dysfunction. (Click here to view the 10 questions and get your score.) When those experiences are chronic, meaning they continue without intervention, negative health consequences are possible. Be a buffer and build resilience The good news is we can strengthen a child’s capacity to build resilience — the ability to bounce back and receive support — so these experiences have far less impact, if any. For example, if you as the primary caregiver create a safe, protected space for your children, it acts as a buffer. Buffering happens when an adult gives comfort and security to a child who is experiencing a trauma, lessening or eliminating the lifetime impact from an experience. The chances are your children will do very well if you are able to give them a safe space where they can talk about scary or positive events and glean a deep feeling of connection and nurturing. What’s concerning is if no one is there to support and protect them. Implicit vs. explicit memories The reason comes down to memories and how they are stored and experienced by young children. A memory can be implicit or explicit. Memories are typically implicit for young children younger than 3, which means the experiences occurred before a child can put a story to the event with a beginning, middle and ending. This memory becomes a feeling with no cognitive understanding of the feeling. That feeling can become pervasive, reacting as if the event is still happening or is going to happen again. The child can get triggered for what seems like no reason at all. On the other hand, an explicit memory occurs when a full story can be told with a beginning, middle and ending. This represents a higher order of thinking and cognitive ability, which typically begins to develop after age 3. This means the child has the ability to cognitively process the explicit memory. This paves the way for understanding and healing. Transform your child’s environment The most important point: The body wants to heal. So to help a young child get through a traumatic, toxic-stress experience, the adult needs to provide a safe, nurturing place for that child to grow and thrive. Through child-directed play, positive and pleasurable experiences, respect and consistency, you can help transform your children’s toxic environment into a positive and safe one. The younger the child, the easier it is to change their thinking about a traumatic event. All it takes is one adult to be the buffer in children’s lives to ensure they grow up safe and strong. Source:Center for Child Counseling |
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