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Does your toddler like to win - even on the potty?

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A little boy sitting on a couch with a blanket on his lap, crying.

You may be surprised to find yourself in a power struggle with your toddler. But this is normal behavior.

However, giving a child a chance to express what’s frustrating them is a powerful and calm way to give them the control they’re fighting for, according to the late Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, a world-renowned pediatrician and advocate in child development. Ann C. Stadtler, a nurse who worked closely with Dr. Brazeltonexplains that over time, a child in a tantrum will notice whether the parent stays in emotional control. As the child learns to control his strong emotions, he can also control his tantrums.

The preschool years are also home to one of the most exciting, and yet most challenging, milestones of early childhood: potty training.

“Preschoolers have a magical way of thinking along the lines of: If I don’t want to do it, I don’t have to. And so, as parents, the first thing we have to understand is where they’re coming from,” Stadtler says. “Having your child sit on the toilet even if they don’t have to do anything, and then reinforcing that action with a pleasurable behavior [reading a favorite book, etc.] makes the toilet training family focused. Each time the child agrees to sit on the toilet, whether they go or not, give reinforcement so the child feels successful. Kids can try things out, but if they don’t feel successful, they’ll pull back.”

If a child has a painful bowel movement, they may regress and think they can hold it in forever to avoid the pain. At that point, it’s best to see your pediatrician to help ease any constipation so it won’t hurt again. Then the learning can resume.

SOURCES:

• Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, founder, Brazelton Touchpoints Center
• Ann C. Stadtler, founding faculty member, Brazelton Touchpoints Center

 

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