• Behavior
  • Parenting
  • Safety

Help, my older teen is spiraling out of control! Where do I turn?

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Mother having serious conversation with teenage son

In this article, you’ll find answers to questions like:

1. Why is my teen acting like this?
2. Should I call the police?
3. Who can help?

The teenage years are tough for everyone, says Amy Simpson, former executive director of Boys Town South Florida. Adolescence is when a teen’s developing brain produces more emotional than rational responses. Teenagers often do things because they feel like it and frequently don’t consider the consequences.

Family members and caregivers who think their teens are spiraling into dire problems struggle with how to stop defiant behavior. If teens skip or flunk school, run away or become physically threatening, it’s natural to have questions and concerns, such as:

  • Could the problem stem from a mental health issue, drugs/alcohol or a learning disability?
  • Is it possible the issue is caused by a traumatic event in my teen's life?
  • Should I have my child arrested to obtain access to affordable help?
  • Where can I turn for help in Palm Beach County?

1. WHY IS MY TEEN ACTING LIKE THIS?

Understandably, parents dread the day when their teens may begin to disrespect them.

The imbalance of the teenage brain is what leads to irrationality at times, according to Simpson. The emotional part of the brain is usually fully formed by the early teens, but the rational part is not completely developed until the early to mid-twenties.

“Some degree of acting out is perfectly normal, but if the issues are constant, persistent and disruptive to your family life, there are several resources that may help,” she says. “A good assessment by a professional is extremely important to know what the next step is for your family if you think something more might be going on.”

Trust your instincts when considering assessment options. Evaluations for mental health, drug or alcohol usage, or a learning disability could be considered, says Megan Johnson, Families First of Palm Beach County’s former program director, and Lakisha Foxworth, family service coordinator.

High-risk times for teens occur during life changes when it’s difficult to maintain communication, says Deborah Newell, director of the Positive Parenting Program, known as Triple P, for Community Partners of South Florida. The quality of family life tends to decrease when stresses increase, such as marital conflicts, blending of families, changes in parental employment or finances, relocations or changing schools, parental depression, exam periods, problems with friends or dating, and family deaths or illnesses.

2. SHOULD I CALL THE POLICE?

Parents at their wit’s end may think they must resort to having their child arrested to get affordable help. This only compiles the problem, Johnson and Foxworth agree. Instead, first call the HelpLine of 211 Palm Beach/Treasure Coast.

The Florida Department of Juvenile Justice’s Prevention and Victim Services provides services for youths having behavior or family issues and may be at risk of being arrested or re-arrested. Call 866-757-0634 toll-free for help with teen defiance. Prevention and early intervention can decrease the chances of arrest.

If a youth faces misdemeanor offenses, Palm Beach County offers a Juvenile First Offender Program, coordinated through the school district police, to target core issues with support services. Several alternative education programs in the county address youth needs, such as substance abuse and/or academic and behavior issues.

Parents need to understand that having their child arrested can hurt their future success. An arrest record can limit post-secondary education and job opportunities, such as working in the military, as a caretaker, teacher or in a medical- or health-related field, say both Marie Boswell, former delinquency prevention specialist for the Florida Department of Juvenile Justice, and Barbara Gerlock, chair of the Circuit 15 Juvenile Justice Advisory Board.

3. WHO CAN HELP?

Talk with other parents of teens and build from their experiences and successes.

Newell suggests developing a plan as a family for potential difficult times and situations before they arise and implementing a behavioral contract with your troubled teen. Schedule family meetings, starting every two weeks and then monthly, to review progress and misbehavior strategies, and tweak them if needed. Identify problems and take immediate action, yet always nurture your teen with encouragement when they do well.

You can seek help from Children’s Home Society and the Urban League of Palm Beach County, which provide Children In Need of Services/Families In Need of Services.  They receive funding in part from the Department of Juvenile Justice and have agreements with the school district, Boswell and Gerlock say.

Each school in Palm Beach County has a multidisciplinary school-based team to support students’ academic and social development. These teams work with more than 30 agencies to provide services to youths and their families. You also can seek support from your school’s counselors.

Other options are the county's Youth Services department for free counseling services and Highridge Family Center for short-term intensive assistance, Boswell and Gerlock say. Highridge in West Palm Beach is a three-month, weekday residential treatment program for Palm Beach County youths ages 11 to 16 experiencing problems at home, school, with friends or in the community.

SOURCES:

Deborah Newell, program director of Triple P, Community Partners of South Florida
• Megan Johnson, former program director, and Lakisha Foxworth, family service coordinator, Families First of Palm Beach County
• Marie Boswell, former delinquency prevention specialist, Florida Department of Juvenile Justice's Prevention and Victim Services
• Barbara Gerlock, chair of Circuit 15 Juvenile Justice Advisory Board
• Amy Simpson, former executive director, Boys Town South Florida

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